New spoof movie Vampires Suck, from "the guys who couldn't sit through another vampire movie" (aka the guys behind Disaster Movie and Epic Movie), looks set to either entertain or infuriate fans of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga, as it attempts to poke fun at the movie phenomenon. For the Twihaters, aka disgruntled boyfriends and husbands, it may be an even better offering than David Slade's addition for Eclipse.
We take a closer look at some of the scenes Vampires Suck parodies in its official trailer, which includes the all-important paper-cut scene from New Moon. Remember, Twilighters: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. No, really.
Let us know what you think in the comments. Will you see Vampires Suck when it opens August 18, or is laughing at Meyer's creation one step too far?
The Vampires Suck trailer starts as any Twilight Saga trailer should: with a sweeping view of what is supposed to be an aerial look at Forks, Washington. Even the score soundtrack is an exact homage to that found in Twilight — these producers sure know what they're doing!
Oh, look! It's the Twilight font, in all its silver shimmery goodness. Twilighters would recognize this writing anywhere — after all, it's almost as iconic as the book cover. Add to that a dark, brooding black background, and you get the vampire picture.
After we see more text stating "The most extraordinary story of our generation" (Really? Who knew?), we hear Matt Lanter of 90210 fame take the Edward voiceover, "I want you to meet my family." Who is this group of mismatched people, you ask? Why, they're the Cullens, of course! We know it's hard to see anyone else play these characters, but the Vampires Suck team hasn't done a bad job of exaggerating the Cullens' individual trademark looks. Rosalie's pretty and blonde, Jasper has questionable curly hair, and Alice is small and pixie-like. The only difference is that they have fangs — well, people have got to realize they're vampires somehow.
"We've heard so much about you," says fake Esme, before the shot cuts to Kristen Stew — oh, wait, it's not actually the Twilight cast. Our bad. It's Jenn Proske as Bella (or Becca, in this movie) and Lanter as Edward. We could have sworn that Robert Pattinson had stumbled into the wrong movie — Lanter has his Edward hair perfected to a T. He's even got the monster sideburns and pale-white, ice-cold skin. And Becca ... well, she's smiling. That, in itself, is hilarious, right?
After Bella, or Becca, opens her present, she gets a dreaded paper cut that's straight out of New Moon. This can never be good. Jasper licks his lips, envisions her head as a huge burger, and proceeds to put a napkin down his shirt in preparation for his meal. He lunges towards Bella and Edward with a knife and fork in his hands, in what has to be one of the funniest parody scenes ever to grace the big screen. Way to take things literally, Mr. Writers.
After Edward throws Jasper inside a piano, we're back to the red Vampires Suck font, as "From the guys who couldn't sit through another vampire movie" appears on screen — a blatant call to arms for all those disgruntled boyfriends and husbands. We're sure they'll be populating theaters for this one as if it were a new summer action movie made especially for them. A chance to laugh at the very thing that has taken over their women's lives? Christmas come early.
Cut to Bella's trademark longing look from Twilight, as Becca sits in the cafeteria and stares at Edward Cullen's pale-white, ice-cold ... yeah, you get the picture. Proske almost looks more Bella than Stewart — could it be that she's actually embracing her character and enjoying herself?
Time for another ROFLMAO moment, as we see Edward saunter through the cafeteria, deftly applying foundation to his perfect face. While looking in a mirror and everything. Playing on the Cullens' beautiful appearance is a genius move — how many of you have seen the flawless skin and rolled your eyes skyward? Well, now you can get the inside scoop on what Edward really does between takes. It's not all natural, y'know.
One of Catherine Hardwicke's most famous Twilight scenes is given the parody treatment next, as we see Edward and Becca having "the talk" in a Forks forest. "You don't get it, I'm a killer" says Edward, before pulling a gun out of thin air and shooting Alice from Alice in Wonderland, who disappears down a rabbit hole. Random, but effective.
Did you ever expect to see a shirtless wolf pack singing and dancing to "It's Raining Men"? No, we didn't either. But join us as we laugh at the sight of four grown men strutting their stuff while the Nomad vampire coven watches on in awe. We always knew the wolf pack was underused.
We also never thought we'd see Aro, Marcus, and Caius from ancient vampire clan the Volturi participating in frat party–style games. Who knew they were personable, sociable people? Or vampires, if you're being picky? The accompanying extras dressed in red signify New Moon's St. Marcus Day celebrations in Italy, which takes place at the end of the original movie. Now, there's attention to detail for you.
Next up is our favorite Vampires Suck moment. As Jacob takes off his shirt, Becca asks him why. His answer? With Exhibit A in hand, "My contract says I have to every 10 minutes of screen time," before spraying himself with copious amounts of body spray (or glitter?). Excuse us, but LOL! It's no secret that Summit has the real Jacob, played by the incredibly toned Taylor Lautner, take his shirt off as much as humanly possible. It's a way to appease the female viewers, and ensure hundreds of repeat viewings. Clearly it's all about the abs.
Cut to Twilight's first scene featuring the Nomad vampires Victoria, James, and Laurent. The guy playing doomed human Waylon Forge mistakes them for a different trio. "Why does everyone always think we're the Black Eyed Peas?" asks James. Let's be honest here: They do resemble the '90s hip hop group. Laurent even has the dreadlocks to prove it.
"Jacob, run!" shouts Becca. Jacob does just that before leaping into the air and turning into a ... teeny, tiny Chihuahua. Oh, how we laughed when we saw this. By the looks of it, the Nomads weren't too impressed either.
The Vampires Suck trailer ends back in Italy, just as New Moon did. "Edward," shouts Becca, with uncharacteristic emotion. "Where? Edward, we love you, you're the best!" shouts a crazed teenage Team Edward fan, as we see him uber-sparkling in front of the whole courtyard. "No, Jacob's the best!" shouts a crazed Team Jacob fan, before hitting the Edward fan in the face with a spade. Now that's team rivalry, if ever we saw it.