Top to bottom, the best high school teachers to ever grace the big screen.
Over the past two weeks, Superbad has reinvigorated the beloved Hollywood tradition of high school on the silver screen. There are tons of great moments in Superbad, but for the purposes of our discussion today, we refer to the scene in which the Home Ec teacher pairs Seth (Jonah Hill) up with classmate crush, Jules (Emma Stone) after a very memorable rant by Hill that starts with, “Look, we all know Home Ec. is a joke. No offense…” The rest of the rant is a bit too R-rated to publish here.
But the scene got us thinking, who are the most memorable high school teachers portrayed on the big screen? And so, of course, we’ve compiled our own countdown list.
Now you may not agree, you may think we missed a great one, but that’s why we’re asking you for suggestions and, should receive enough good ones, we’ll be sure to append the list. (email your suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org)
Vincent Schiavelli as Mr. Kerber in Better Off Dead
Getting ditched by your cheating girlfriend is bad enough, but now you find out the creepiest teacher in school is banging her too. And by THIS guy???
Ray Walston as Mr. Hand in Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Piss this guy off and he comes to your house to make up the time. “There are some teachers at this school who look the other way at truants,” offers Mr. Hand. “It's a little game you both play. They pretend they don't see you, and you pretend you don't ditch! Now, in the end, who pays the price? YOU!”
Ben Stein as The Economics Teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
"Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?" It's the monotone line that launched Ben Stein's filmatic career and echoed the thoughts of a million bored high school economics students across the nation.
Tom Berenger as Jonathan Shale in The Substitute
Forget dance lessons, inspiring poetry or special attention. If you don't listen to Mr. Shale, this ex-mercenary is going to kick the living beejesus out of you. Don't believe me. Just try it, punk, cause he's got a chalkboard and a semi-automatic with your name on it.
Matthew Broderick as Jim McAllister in Election
With Tracy Flick, Jim McAllister is already a beaten man. But by refusing to concede, poor old Mr. M heads down a mono e mono battle that he can't possibly win. It will lead to the distruction of his career, his marriage and his self-integrity, but God love the guy for trying.
Nicole Kidman as Suzanne Stone Moretto in To Die For
Although she's technically not a teacher, she does teach a class about the local news and that's enough for us. Besides, who else could top a list like this but one of the most ruthless temptresses to ever grace the screen? She's got the looks to make everyone bend to her will, regardless of consequence. And even knowing what you know, one seductive glance and she'd pull you right into that web of murder, under-age sex and career advancement right along with her.