ReelzChannel’s Favorite Movie Whack Jobs
We count down the 13 best movie monsters and psychos.
It’s October and the leaves are falling, the cold air is seeping in and Halloween decorations have been showing up at your local CVS since late June. For those of us in L.A., we know winter is coming by the brisk drop in temperature down to a nippy 65 degrees.
For movie fans, this time of the year can mean only one thing: “The horror, the horror…” To be fair, that quote isn’t even from a horror movie, but it fits the moment all the same.
We figured the timing was right to count down our favorite total whack jobs from the movie world, be it old time monster movie characters, new wave torture porn participants or the 80’s slasher bogeymen (and just about everything in between). Anyone who’s killed someone basically qualifies.
This is not intended as a complete list, it’s just our personal faves, so feel free to drop us a line with your thoughts and we’ll be sure to include the suggestions in our next Mailbag Feature. Enjoy!
13. Patrick Bateman
Most Wall Street 80’s Yuppies prefer to murder people financially, but Bateman literally winds down by hacking up his colleagues with an axe and a little Huey Lewis. But don’t worry, he’ll teach you something about the undisputed masterpiece “Hip to be Square.”
“I'm trying to listen to the new Robert Palmer tape, but Evelyn, my supposed fiancée, keeps buzzing in my ear.”
The man who invented torture porn. In his own deranged way, this misunderstood madman is really just trying to make the world a better place; he just might crush your skull or remove a limb in the process.
“Live or die, make your choice.”
11. Good Luck Chuck
Okay, so maybe he's not a whack job, but Chuck was plenty scary to me. Plus, I’m sure a few movie fans died on the inside while watching this one. I know I died at least a little. Dane Cook is scary enough on his own, but here he’s half-naked and trying to be cute the whole time. Absolutely horrifying.
10. The Creature From the Black Lagoon
Before Jaws took to the oceans, The Creature From the Black Lagoon was the original underwater boogeyman. And he’s not just gonna kill you, he’s gonna steal your girlfriend too!
“I can tell you something about this place. The boys around here call it ‘The Black Lagoon’; a paradise. Only they say nobody has ever come back to prove it.”
9. Jason Voorhees
Mom started the killing spree, but little Jason kept the family tradition going strong. He also made hockey seem a little bit more bad-ass.
8. Regan MacNeil
12 year-old girl or not, this little pubescent scared the crap out of me as a kid.
“Lick me! Lick me!”
7. Frankenstein’s Monster
Made from the spare parts of hardened criminals and designed by a mad genius, this lumbering giant didn’t have a chance. He’s big, he’s strong but light a fire and he runs for the hills.
“The neck's broken. The brain is useless. We must find another brain.”
Perhaps the most beloved and ripped off horror villain of all time, the name Dracula is synonymous with movie monsters and horror movies in general. Dracula killed plenty, but he did it all with class and those mesmerizing double-jointed fingers.
“There are far worse things awaiting man than death.”
5. Michael Myers
William Shatner plus white paint equals some scary s**t. Michael Myers was big, bad and unkillable. Without him, Freddy, Jason and about 97 other less memorable slashers wouldn’t even exist.
“Mrrrmmmppphhhh. Errgggghhhh, Umppphhhhhhh.”
4. Freddy Krueger
The ultimate 80’s boogeyman. What’s scarier than a burned up child molester with a glove of knives who kills you while you’re just trying to get a little rest?
“I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy.”
3. Hannibal Lector
Who would have ever guessed an old British guy could be this scary? Anthony Hopkins took the moderately intimidating take on Lector by Brian Cox in Manhunter and wiped the floor with him, creating one of the greatest horror icons of all time in the process.
“A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”
2. Jack Torrance
No one plays a psychopath better than Jack and this is the psychopath by which all others have been judged since. Just one glance through the top of the eyes from Mr. Torrance is enough to send shudders down the spine.
“Darling. Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in!”
1. Norman Bates
The OG of movie whack jobs, Norman Bates set the bar mighty high nearly fifty years ago. Through a slew of imitations, poor sequels and an ill-fated remake, no one has been able to top this cross-dressing slasher who still has the power to make new viewers opt for baths after a single viewing.
“I think I must have one of those faces you can't help believing.”