When I delved into the realm of full-frontal male nudity in film last year, I could hardly have anticipated the response. I mean, frankly, while the topic was certainly interesting, I have to admit it also had the added benefit of allowing me to rent a bunch of movies wherein I kept an eye out for my favorite actors' bits.
However, it appears as though I'm not the only one who finds this interesting. Many of you wrote in to tell me about movies I had forgotten. In fact, it appears I barely scraped the tip of the iceberg, if you will. It seems if you look hard enough, you can find a great deal of your favorite stars have been persuaded to part with their pants for all the world to see.
Furthermore, in the ensuing year, Hollywood has added to the list, owing in a large part -- not surprisingly -- to comic force Judd Apatow, who first caught our attention with the constantly re-appearing faceless nude guy in Walk Hard (see our article "The Newest 'Member' of the Apatow Comedy Family" for more on that) and now in a hilarious turn by Jason Segel who bares it all -- again and again -- in this weekend's Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So, in honor of the brave Mr. Segel and the trailblazing Mr. Apatow (who, as Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Mila Kunis describes as changing the world 'one penis at a time' in our exclusive interview with her), we, er, salute you, with a new rundown of movies in which male stars have gone where few have gone before, as well as ones where they're just rumored to have.
|
THE HAVES
 |
NUDIST: M.C. GAINEY
Movie: Sideways
The naughty bits: Even though there's a big deal about co-star Thomas Haden Church's (Smart People, Spider-Man 3) philandering character having to walk home naked having been caught with a married wine country waitress, it's actually a disturbingly ungainly M.C. Gainey ("Lost," Wild Hogs) who runs his manhood up to the camera.
Verdict: Not nice.
|
|
THE HAVE-NOTS
 |
NUDIST: KEVIN BACON
Movie: Hollow Man
The rumor: Kevin Bacon is naked.
Truth: While Bacon does show full-frontal in Wild Things, it is a misconception that he also did so in Hollow Man. The scene in question is one in which his character is (nudely) going from his visible state to the invisible one, but by the time you see anything it is CGI. And a CGI rendering of what Kevin Bacon's bits would look like if he had no skin does not count!
|
|
 |
NUDIST: MARK RUFFALO
Movie: In the Cut
The naughty bits: This saucy 2003 thriller involves some graphic love scenes between Meg Ryan and Mark Ruffalo, who balances out Ryan's no-more-romantic-comedy nudity with some of his own.
Verdict: Finally, one that's not horrifying.
|
|
 |
NUDIST: FELICITY HUFFMAN
Movie: Transamerica
The rumor: Felicity Huffman shows her penis.
The truth: Felicity Huffman does an amazing job playing pre-op male-to-female transsexual, Bree. And while we do get to see her prosthetic member while she squats to pee by the side of the road, that's all it is -- a prosthetic. Sorry, she's not a man, baby.
|
|
 |
NUDIST: ROBIN WILLIAMS
Movie: The Fisher King
The naughty bits: A crazed but endearing Williams strips down and dances around the in park at night to taunt Jeff Bridges.
Verdict: As long as all crazy homeless men don't follow his lead, I'm okay with it.
|
|
 |
NUDIST: BEN STILLER
Movie: There's Something About Mary
The rumor: Ben Stiller gets 'it' caught in his zipper.
The truth: It's a great scene. A traumatic scene. But like Transamerica, that's a prosthetic. To the best of our knowledge, Stiller's franks and beans are still quite intact.
|
|
 |
NUDIST: MICHAEL PITT
Movie: The Dreamers
The naughty bits: Where to start with this drama about an American student (Pitt) who befriends an oversexed French brother and sister during the 1968 Paris Student riots? Basically, the question isn't when is he (or rather all of them) naked, but when is he not?
Verdict: Let's just say that Bertolucci is the same guy who did Last Tango in Paris if that gives you any idea what to expect.
|
|
 |
NUDIST: RUSSELL CROWE
Movie: Hammers Over the Anvil
The rumor: Russell Crowe lets us look down under.
The truth: This horrid little Australian flick about a horse trainer ostensibly features some much sought-after full-frontal by Crowe. And while it may be true that the opening scene features both him and a horse he's riding going bareback (dear God), you can't see anything good. Trust me -- I looked.
|
|
 |
NUDIST: JAYE DAVIDSON
Movie: The Crying Game
The naughty bits: For the two people in the world who don't know, the big secret of the movie is when the 'girlfriend' Dil reveals that she is really a man -- much to the chagrin of her love interest, Fergus (Stephen Rea). Said Rea during a recent interview with him for his upcoming thriller, Stuck, "I was on a television thing [in Ireland] and they ran the scene where the gender of the person is revealed. And it is pretty shocking. I hadn't seen it for years. Holy God, this massive schlong, you know?"
Verdict: In the words of Rea, "Even though it wasn't angry, it was still pretty amazing."
|
|
 |
NUDIST: TOM CRUISE
Movie: All the Right Moves
The rumor: Fast fingers on the pause button will give you a glimpse of Tom Cruise's Xenu-maker.
The truth: The rumor that a secret bit of L. Ron's finest can be seen by those can work the pause button on their DVD player during his love scene with Lea Thompson is wide-spread and ludicrous. I tried it, and tried it, and tried it again. It's his THIGH, people, and anyone who believes otherwise, well, I've got a personality test to give you.
|
|
TIE
 |
NUDIST: BART SIMPSON
Movie: The Simpsons Movie
The rumor: Bart Simpson is naked.
The truth: Bart Simpson is naked.
The controversy: Does it count since it's an animation? Well, if you go by my Hollow Man theory, then no. But then again, Bart has always been animated; it's part of his very nature. For that reason, I think when our man flashes us on his skateboard it should count. It got a scream out of me, after all. Little. Yellow. Different.
|
Okay, we know there are more movies out there that we left out. After all, everyone has a favorite full-frontal movie to share. Post a comment below, and maybe you'll see your pick in Full-Frontal III.