Character Cage Match: Jason vs. Freddy vs. Michael Myers, You Decide
11.01.12 by Ryan
There's been a growing sea change in horror movies over the past few years, moving away from the traditional hack-and-slash killers in favor of "found footage" low-budget movies. With vampires conquering the 'tween demographic as zombies stumble over massive success on cable, movie studios have been more than happy to spend less on a "found footage" horror movie in lieu of looking for the latest, indestructible killer. For that reason, one of our previous cage matches pitted the demon from Paranormal Activity 4 against the soul-eating Bagul from Sinister. Well, call us old fashioned, but we think it's time we settled who was the best among the horror heroes (if you will) of old, unearthing Michael Myers from the Halloween movies, Jason Vorhees from the Friday the 13th movies and Freddy Krueger from the Nightmare on Elm Street movies and put them inside the imaginary metal cage that is our character cage match! Who comes out on top is up to you.
The Rules: First of all, no comments about 2003's Freddy vs. Jason, please. After all, let's remember that the ending was a draw, which proves absolutely nothing. We're here to settle a score, not cop out on choosing a victor.
Second, even though each of the characters have been featured in remakes, we're not considering those, because, well, in the nicest way we can put it, the strength of those remakes are not exactly equal. Say what you will about the original franchises, but they have their high points and their low points, while the remakes... let's just stick to the original franchises.
Michael Myers' Strengths: Myers' biggest strength is likely aptitude, in that he started killing at the ripe age of six. He also figured out how to drive while growing up inside an institution, so that aptitude has proven to be a real bonus.
Not much of a talker, Myers excels at being able to hide in plain sight while wearing a mask, particularly in daylight (try it yourself and count the minutes before you're arrested). And, of course, like any good psychotic killer and embodiment of pure evil, Myers is pretty hard to kill. Whether you shoot him, burn him or throw him down a mine shaft, Myers is likely going to silently walk away while a clueless survivor says, "It's over."
Michael Myers' Weaknesses: Myers is obsessed with killing his own family, which is either any sign of his madness or, depending on what movies in the franchise you prefer, the work of a cult. As long as you aren't in the general vicinity of his sister, niece or nephew, you're likely safe.
Freddy Krueger's Strengths: To put it bluntly, HE HUNTS YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP. Try to stay awake if you will, but, eventually, that only makes it easier for Freddy as the real and dream world begin to blend together. Sure, Freddy tried to attack the waking world by possessing a teenage boy in A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, but the result was a terrible movie, so Freddy gave that up.
That glove with all the knives on it works out pretty well for Freddy as well, and, to top it off, Freddy seems to have the ability to go into Hell and bring people back to life as he did with Jason in Freddy vs. Jason.
Freddy's Weaknesses: OK, so yeah, Freddy comes for his victims in their dreams, but, as is learned in later installments, it's not Freddy's dream, it's the dream of the victim and, therefore, the victim can also control the dream and give themselves special abilities if they want. On top of that, Freddy draws a lot of strength from people's fear of him, and, as his desire to make quips grew stronger, the fear of his victims did not. Freddy is also a pretty poor father, something that really comes back to haunt him in Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy's Dead, and is fairly land-locked to Elm Street, which limits his scope of terror.
Jason Vorhees' Strengths: Like Myers, Jason also got an early start in the killing game, and, after losing his mother, had to learn a great deal of survival skills while growing up as an orphan in the woods. Also like Myers, Jason is extremely difficult to kill, and has survived the following: an axe to the head, being chopped up with his own machete, drowning (twice), getting covered in toxic waste, as well as being shot, stabbed, and blasted into space. Jason is incredibly strong and can punch your head off your body, and his heart is so filled with evil that it will possess you if you eat it.
Jason's Weaknesses: While on one hand it's very sweet, Jason is very much a mama's boy, and, on top of that, is also easily confused. If you can bare to put on his mother's sweater, his deranged brain might actually think that you are his mother, even though she's dead! Likewise, if you buzz all your hair off in a hurried way, you can actually pass for a young Jason, which will make him think you are Jason. Poor, confused Jason!
Furthermore, besides a brief jaunt into Manhattan and outer space, Jason is usually confined to Camp Crystal Lake, so, basically, avoid campgrounds with a history of bloody violence. Or, simply avoid camping altogether. Also, avoid space.