What If 007 Were American? James Bond Vs. Jimmy Bond
Posted 01.31.13 by Mandy
When we picture James Bond we usually think of a suave British agent, who is a citizen of the world, wearing tuxedos, drinking martinis, and getting into car chases in the Swiss Alps, but what if Bond were American? A Jim Bond (or JB), if you will. Would Jim be as witty and worldly?
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James Bond spends his downtime playing baccarat either in a casino in Monte Carlo or a private club in London wearing a shawl-collar tuxedo with silk turn-back cuffs, but Jimbo probably plays video poker in Atlantic City while wearing a bowling shirt with shorts and loafers.
Instead of an Aston Martin, Jim would probably have a tricked out Cadillac CTS-V coupe for his Federally-issued vehicle, though he might drive a 1970 Camino on his own time. While James Bond always finds himself in car chases on seaside cliffs or on particularly dicey roads in the Alps, JB will probably wind up in a car chase through a Nebraska wheat field or maybe in a traffic jam on the PCH.
When traveling by water, Jim and James would also probably have differing tastes in their modes of transportation. James, of course, goes for a high-tech speedboat, but we picture Jim travelling Horatio Caine-style in an airboat.
Instead of witty banter, and suave, pun-filled repartee, JB would probably be more of a Jack Reacher-type of conversationalist and would rarely say anything other than "sure", “okay,” "no", and maybe throw in a "spectacular" every now and again.
Movies like The Spy Who Loved Me and On Her Majesty's Secret Service prove that James Bond is a world class skier, but we think 'merican spy Jimmy Bond seems more like the kind of guy who would be a badass snowboarder.
James Bond has been known to enjoy dressed crab or roast grouse, or the local cuisine of whatever country he is in. We think Jimmy would prefer a high-end chain steakhouse, like Smith & Wollensky or Capital Grille, where he would usually enjoy a dry-aged porterhouse or a bone-in ribeye, with either baked or mashed potatoes on the side. Jim would probably stick with those meat and potatoes basics no matter where he were traveling. His idea of sampling regional cuisine would extend to trying a glazed carrot instead of potatoes on the side. While dining at home, we could see Jimbo having an old standby of something like Texas chili and cornbread.
James, of course, enjoys a vodka martini — shaken not stirred — or a Heineken if there are product placement agreements. To drink with dinner, Jimmy would probably have an obscure mirco-brew, but at cocktail hour he would enjoy a Jägerbomb — layered not mixed.
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Videos courtesy MGM and Columbia Pictures.