If you watch Snapped, Solved, The Shift or any of our other "Crime Time" programs then you know that most of the killers profiled are eventually caught because of the abundance of physical evidence left behind when a human being dies — let alone one that has been hacked up by a jilted lover who has, well, snapped. With law enforcement using forensic analysts, crime scene technicians, forensic linguists, blood spatter specialists, trace evidence specialists and all manner of high-tech tools to process and analyze evidence, it's more difficult than ever for killers to hide their crimes. Being the movie buffs that we are, we did a little digging (no pun intended) through our archives and unearthed (okay, pun intended that time) several movies in which the killers use inventive and horrifying ways to dispose of bodies in the hopes of getting away with murder.
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Feed to Pigs
Snatch (2000)You do not want to get on the wrong side of British gangster Brick Top (Alan Ford). With his retro attire and Coke-bottle glasses, he may not look that intimidating, but this fight-fixing mob boss keeps half-starved pigs on hand to devour the bodies of his victims, thus insuring that there will be no evidence of his crimes.
I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig sh*t, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig". — Brick Top
Related: Mr. Wu's pigs in Deadwood, The Judge's pigs in Millenium.
Serve for Dinner
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)A word to the wise: avoid barber shops above bakeries that serve meat pies. Furious at the world for how his life has turned out, barber Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp) exacts his revenge with a pair of straight razors, slitting the throats of his clients before dumping their bodies down a chute that leads to Mrs. Nellie Lovett's (Helena Bonham Carter) bakery. There, Lovett chops and grinds Todd's victims and then bakes their flesh into her savory meat pies.
They all deserve to die. Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why! Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and one with his foot in the other one's face. Look at me, Mrs Lovett! Look at you! No, we all deserve to die... Even you, Mrs Lovett, even I! Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief. For the rest of us death will be a relief. We all deserve to die... And I'll never see Johanna, no I'll never hug my girl to me... FINISHED! — Sweeney Todd
Related: Frank'N'Furter (Tim Curry) in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hannibal Lecter (Sir Anthony Hopkins) in Silence of the Lambs.
Double-Up a Coffin
Death at a Funeral (2007) Daniel (Matthew Lewis) and Robert (Rupert Graves) are not killers at heart, but when they bind, gag, drug and accidentally kill their father's secret gay lover (Peter Dinklage) at their father's funeral for trying to blackmail them, they come up with a clever, on-the-fly, method of body disposal — they simply double-up their father's coffin with his lover's body. Their plan would have worked without a hitch, the evidence buried right before everyone's eyes with none the wiser...if only their victim had stayed dead!
My father was an exceptional man! He may not have been a perfect man, but he was a good man, and he loved us. All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified send-off. Is that really so much to ask? So, maybe, maybe he had some things he liked to do. Life isn't simple, it's complicated. We're all just thrown in here together, in a world full of chaos and confusion, a world full of questions and no answers, death always lingering around the corner, and we do our best. We can only do our best, and my dad did his best. — Daniel
Related: The vampires in Bordello of Blood, "Anatomy of a Murder" episode of Castle.
Make Murder Mulch
Fargo (1996) Dead bodies seem to flow in the wake of psychotic killer Gaear Grimsrud (Peter Stormare). Hired to simply kidnap a desperate car salesman's (William H. Macy) wife and hold her for ransom, Grimsrud ends up killing a state trooper, his partner, the kidnapee and a random couple. With bodies piling up around him, Grimsrud discovers that a wood chipper is a very quick and effective way of disposing of a body, if a little messy.
So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well. I just don't understand it. — Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand)
Related: The inept mobsters in Kick-Ass (giant microwave), The Final Destination (escalator).
Dissolve in Acid
Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994) He may be the star of his own franchise and a good guy to many of the common folk in the movie universe he inhabits, but Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) is as bad as they come. A former family man and architect, Paul turns into a gun-toting vigilante with an unquenchable thirst for revenge against the criminals who destroyed his world and their entire ilk. Typically, Paul dispatches criminals with his .32 Colt Police revolver or some other sort of badass firearm, but for his last kill in the final film in the series, Paul ends the evil of mob boss Tommy O'Shea (Michael Parks) by shoving him into a vat of acid, not only killing him in a tortuous manner, but erasing all evidence of the murder.
Nothing to do but cut and run, huh? What else? What about the old American social custom of self-defense? If the police don't defend us, maybe we ought to do it ourselves. — Paul Kersey
Related: Dr. David Trent (Alan Marshal) in House on Haunted Hill, Victor (Jean Reno) in La Femme Nikita.
Looper (2012) Several movies feature professional "cleaners" who dispose of bodies and eliminate any evidence of a crime, but criminals of the future take "cleaning" to a whole new level. They actually send their victims back in time to be dealt with by "Loopers" like Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who kill their faceless victims and incinerate their bodies, ensuring the person no longer exists in the future to have been murdered. Brain tingler!
There's a reason we're called Loopers. When we sign up for this job, taking out the future's garbage, we also agree to a very specific proviso. Time travel in the future is so illegal, that when our employers want to close our contracts, they'll also want to erase any trace of their relationship with us ever existing. So if we're still alive 30 years from now, they'll find our older self, zap him back to us, and we'll kill him like any other job. This is called closing your loop. — Joe
Related: Mr. Wolf (Harvey Keitel) in Pulp Fiction, Victor (Jean Reno) in La Femme Nikita, Carl "The Sweeper" in Munich.