Never in the history of mankind has a movie been more phallic-ly fixated than The Watch.
—Betsy Sharkey Los Angeles Times
The film is one long Costco joke - but the punch line is never all that funny.
—Claudia Puig USA Today
It's so determined to be crude, vulgar and offensive that after a while I grew weary.
—Roger Ebert Chicago Sun-Times
If this movie wanders into your neighborhood, the only watch that will hold your attention is the timepiece on your wrist.
—Joe Williams St. Louis Post-Dispatch
The Watch emphasizes over and over again in happy-dirty guy talk that borders on obsession, these neighborhood watchmen are primarily united by their R-rated equipment.
—Lisa Schwarzbaum Entertainment Weekly
The bargain-basement pyrotechnics suggest that much of The Watch was filmed on autopilot on a strict budget.
—Stephen Holden The New York Times
Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn play the guys they always play in this sci-fi comedy misfire.
—Sheri Linden The Hollywood Reporter
You're unlikely to laugh much, and you may get an unexpected case of the non-art-imitates-bad-life creeps.
—Richard Corliss Time
The movie itself, which should be crazy, stupid fun but settles for just stupid
—Peter Travers Rolling Stone
The Watch is filled with the kind of desperate grab for chuckles usually found in grade-school gym classes, with the same level of sophistication.
—Joe Neumaier New York Daily News